Monday, March 9, 2009
The importance of forgiveness and letting go...
Hola world, today is Monday March 9th, 2009. Today I woke up sad. The sun isn't out, its raining, but I went to sleep thinking about the past.(Num 2 to be honest), so i woke up feeling like blahh. Yea its one of those days. When your in the process of letting someone go, its normal to catch yourself thinking about them or the situation you were in. And yes it can be painful. But for me it really hurts, like if what transpired between us happened yesterday. I know they say time heals all wounds, well I'm still waiting lol. I don't want to sound pathetic or anything but those things done to me hurt and effect me everyday. They were like constant blows to my self confidence and character and the last round took the wind out of me. And with every apology came another blow right after,so I don't even think the apologies were real. I get asked often "u sure u don't hate him?", and believe me I don't. I know exactly that feeling, exactly what it feels like to carry hate in your heart and I don't have it. I have hurt, disgust, and pain but not hate. And then I get asked "why not?".
Well I know if I was to hate number 2, that would mean he still had a good hold on me. Not physically but mentally which is even worse to me. Putting out that much energy into the universe for an individual who hurt you isn't what I consider letting go. Hate is what I call holding on for dear life, and I want to let go and free fall into a new beginning. It can also hold you back from new healthy and worth while relationship with people because you cant let go of the past. I see this happening in myself all the time and i refuse to let that happen. During this I've learned about the value and importance of forgiveness.
Forgiveness makes u a survivor and not a victim. A victim allows what happened to them, lead every other action and reaction in their life. While a survivor takes what happened, learns from it and grows and moves on. I'm not saying that after someone betrays your trust for so long you forgive them and you will be able to trust again. Things like that take some repairing and time. But make sure your not living as if your getting betrayed every minute of the day still. Forgiveness calls for you to understand and accept the things that happened. Take responsibility for your situation and responsibility for yourself. That's exactly what I'm doing now, and no one said it was easy because it isn't. But it has to get done. I have days like this where I can only help but still feel the past and hurt that lingers in my heart. Sometimes you catch yourself crying and getting caught up in that moment again but u have to stop yourself and say OK it happened it was done, and work on how you will never allow it to be done again. Realize how much less of a person that individual was and how much bigger and stronger a person you are for having taken it, dealing with it, learning from it and moving on. Its a process of discovering your true worth and seeing how much that person does not deserve you in there life. And that feeling right there also doesn't happen over night but in time, and with help from people who do deserve you and respect you. And this process allows you to And this is not only for someone who survived hurt from a toxic relationship but any type of physical,mental or sexual abuse..
It is always darkest before dawn...but when dawn comes its a new day, new beginnings and its like a breathe of fresh air..
I found some helpful tips online about letting go and the process of forgiveness and I want to share them with you.. You never know you might find them helpful, I know I did..
How to Let Go of Painful Memories Life can bring about many unpleasant and unbearable experiences, leaving in their wake unforgiving and sometimes intrusive memories. How can we cope? Understanding the power of letting go can help. Here's how you can discover this awesome and effective healing tool. Hide these ads Show Ads  Steps 1. Before you can get rid of haunting memories, you must come to terms with the origin of those memories. You can not let go of anything that you try to suppress. Suppression is not a solution, it is only a band-aid on the problem. Talking to someone about these memories can assist you in coming to terms with them. If that is too much for you to do, buy a journal and write it down. Writing can be very therapeutic. Really, all you need is a way to get your feelings about these experiences out. 2. Now that you have mentally cleansed yourself, you can begin to "let go." Letting go means that you allow yourself to understand that any experience you have had, good or bad, is not your fault. You can get to the point where you know that each experience you've had the opportunity to witness is meant to be a lesson to you. You were meant to learn something from the situation so that you could advance to where you need to be in this life. When learning to let go, internalizing this first point is the most important. 3. Decide what lesson it is you were to learn from the experience that produced the memory. There is always a lesson in everything. 4. When you define the lesson you were meant to learn, create a mantra on paper, that you can commit to memory. This mantra should include the experience itself, as well as what you have learned from it. For example, if you have a painful memory of abuse, your mantra can read: "Through the memory of being emotionally abused, I am learning to be a stronger person and I will no longer allow anyone to take advantage of me." 5. Take the time to sit with this mantra and let your mind grab a hold of it. Allow yourself to make the memory of your mantra stronger than the memory of the experience you have had. Repeating it to yourself frequently will accomplish that goal. 6. Next, take your mantra and put it in a safe place so that if you ever forget it, or the memories are still painful, you can return to it easily. 7. Lastly, allow peace to enter your being. When you are at peace, and calm has become part of your life, it very difficult for negativity to live inside of you. In order for you to let go, you must accept peace. 8. Try doing easy breathing in and breathing out processes, once you have relaxed try thinking of a happy place, or try focus on the one thing you want best. for example: think of ice-cream or candy, anything that will take these bad memories out of your head. If you are stressing so much try sit down and calm your self by listening to classical music this will sooth your soul.  Tips • Sometimes finding someone you really trust to help you through the process can be a challenge. Luckily, the Internet is a safe place for anonymity. Use online forums to post your experiences. That way, you can still get the input of others and no one will know that it's you who is talking.  Warnings • If you do use online forums, please be aware that although it may be anonymous for you, it is also anonymous for other posters. That means that you should be careful about the responses people give you. You do not know them and so you should not jump to trust their opinions about what has happened to you. If you use this method, keep an open mind. This is only a way to get your thoughts out, not for people to judge you. • None of these steps will work like magic. You must take your time and let the process unfold. Rushing it will only make the problem worse and you will still feel like you have gotten nowhere. Remember that the problem or memory you had was in the past. And you have the present and future to live for. • Some painful memories (i.e., abuse) may not be easy to let go of just by using an online "How-To" website. For some memories like these, you may need a counselor or psychiatrist
Clearly i have decided to use some of these methods and i feel better and better everyday. It feels amazing to get the negativity out your life, it opens your mind and heart to so many new things. I suggest people to take the time out to really forgive and let go of things that allow you to carry hate and hurt. Its so unnecessary and stunts ya growth as a person. And if you read the other blog you know how much i love growth lol lol...No but really think about it, do it it feels great...
These are 2 of my nieces and my nephew. Being around them more often since graduating i have realized how much they look up to me. I have to show them an example of a strong, level headed,very sure of herself, educated and respectful woman so they can grow up to be even better. Real forgiveness is only found in the characters of very strong people and i am that and then some and i want my babies to be the same....i love them
Posted by Anonymously_30 at 4:54 PM