Tuesday, August 23, 2011


Today is August 23rd and 25 years ago i was brought back into this earth as Ashley Soleil. Yes today is my 25th birthday!!!!! Every ones been reminding me constantly and asking me how does it feel and up until today i didn't have a real solid answer. I spent the entire day yesterday reflecting on my 24 years.

I thought about it all. I walked around my new neighborhood and reflected on being here and also where i used to be for 24 years. Being that I'm Me, there was sooo much to reflect on; good and bad of course. But the bottom line is that there WAS soo much to think about. I cant express how extremely blessed i feel to have been able to experience the life i have experienced in the last 24 years. Believe me you there are things so dark that i still have difficulty sharing them but they are a huge part of me and make the good and great things even greater. If i can find a better word than "blessed" i would use it but for now BLESSED it is.

I must admit, I am one to constantly complain and be critical about things but sitting in the sun yesterday and just reflecting on where i am just made me soooo happy. I'm content to be HERE. Some people don't even realize how special that is, to be HERE, but it is. Some people don't even realize how important and special it is breathe everyday. Some people don't even realize that they are breathing! But you are every minute of the day without knowing and its a phenomenon that happens within you and we don't even respect it. Yesterday i started respecting it. I am ALIVE, BREATHING and LIVING out whats been written for me and surviving it like a soldier. As i type right now the tears are swelling up in my eyes of course cuz if you know me you know how emotional of a person i am. I really felt like i just woke up yesterday and realized how unimportant certain things are and how important it is to be HERE happy and with PEACE OF MIND. Last night at 11pm i shut my phone off and tried something new. Instead of focusing on who was going to call me first at 12, I closed my eyes and counted my breaths. Everything time i inhaled and exhaled it counted as one. Seems simple but its so hard to do when your mind is like mine and races a mile a min. Every time i thought of something else besides breathing i started over. I didn't get to far up in counting but i was relaxed, i felt a smile on my face and i fell asleep like a baby. I fell asleep feeling blessed and just happy with everything around me.

On this beautiful morning on the day of my 25th birthday the first thing i wanted to do was write these amazing feelings down and share them with the world. Once i post this i feel like i can enjoy my day going forward. Really enjoy it and not take one thing for granted. At this milestone in my life i am more concerned with the going forward. Going forward i want to focus on having peace of mind. For 24 years I've allowed everything in my life make me. Now i want to take everything out of my head and be ME. I wanna meet the magnificent God that i have within me. Be happier inside and out and teach others to do the same.

This last year in my life has been amazing in so many ways to me as far as growth and has brought me HERE.I AM SO GRATEFUL FOR EVERYTHING I HAVE IN MY LIFE RIGHT NOW, EVERYONE I HAVE IN MY LIFE RIGHT, AND EVERYTHING I DON'T. THERE ISN'T A THING I WOULD CHANGE NO MATTER HOW UNHAPPY IT MIGHT MAKE ME AT TIMES, FOR AT THE END OF THE DAY IT IS ALL WORLDLY THINGS THAT WILL NOT COME WITH ME WHEN I GO ON INTO THE NEXT LIFE. My family, my friends, my education, my career choice, my love, my dog just everything is perfect for me right now where i am and i couldn't feel any happier. I have so much more to accomplish in life and I've never felt stronger and more determined to get to my goals.

There are so many lessons i have learned over the years but the one that comes up every time, the one that always makes the most sense is EVERYTHING HAPPENS FOR A REASON!! Every little thing that is happening in my life right now is happening for a reason and has brought me right here mentally where i am today!

I am grateful
I am happy
I am love
I am phenomenal

: )