Tuesday, January 26, 2010

I kno the feelin of holdin tears back..this girl was doin it today on the train doing just that and honestly I wanted to give her a hug..weird but whatever...janurary 26,2010 slacking on my mackin...just busy busy peeps... Never really hated gettin my period. I was actually happy cuz that determined one great thing and that was not being with child lol sad but tru hahahahahahah. Now I have come to despise it because the emotional strong hold it has on me wen it does arrive. A week before I get it I have notice d my emotions do a 360. For the past months I have been on a very happy positive streak. Very uplifting and clear and light open heart learning and all that. When that one week comes I turn into pessimistic patty. I feel very depressed, like even me thinkin every positive thought in the world dosnt help at all... I cry as soon as I wake up and an hour later I'm laughing. I have to say it's the most unstable week for me and I need a way to over come it like WTF it's annoying....another thought...people really read the bible on the train...or anywhere for that matter. Like I've tried and it mAkes no sense to me...I think I'm goin to start writing down my memories and put them in a litle box

Tuesday, January 5, 2010


Hello hello my people..5 days into a new century..how does it feel..take a deep breathe it's a new beginning. Lolol now tell me if at 12:01 January 1st you felt any different from the minute before. Sometimes I can be cynical a believe it's all some bullshit but for me this time I felt a complete difference. And to be honest it didn't start that minute the ball dropped but actually weeks before the hype about a new beginning actually began. And I'm not one for the resolutions and goal setting,it never works for me. This time around I've decided to just continue where 2009 left off but on steroids lol.

The past 2 years have been pretty rough..alot of unhealthy situations and relationships kept me from being me. Actually I will take responsibility and say that I kept me from being me,from being great. I was afraid of change, bien acostumbra ( used to what I had), holding onto the past...aka just all types of things that didn't allow me to be great. 2009 has been the year where I started to see the wrong and make changes. I would not say 2009 was a bad year and 2010 will be a great one. But I will say that in 2009 I was growing and 2010 I will ALLOW myself to be GREAT with all the things I've learned. Things will only happen if you let them,work hard nothing just appears. So this year I will allow my heart to be open and be fearless..I will work on making the necessary changes in my life that will make me a better person..I will make myself a priority and love ME unconditionally.

Its funny today i was talking to my co workers and one was bashing men. And I'm laughing because she always does this lol n e way she says fuck love I don't love n e body..and I said I don't love anybody right now either but I love me. And it was like an epiphany to me lol, a lil light bulb. I have finally reached the point where i am completely happy with the person i am..flaws and all. All mistakes abs mishaps made have made me me and I love it. I wouldn't take me any other way besides Phenomenal..but I'm not there yet...but I will be.

On new years eve I had to work and I received an email from this thing called the daily love. Mastin Kipp is the young guy ( and young like under 30) who writes amazing inspirational quotes that I read on Twitter everyday. This email was his news resolution and it made me tear at work. It was exactly what I felt but just worded way ether lol. Well here it is take a read it made me feel good and made me think more about what I want to focus on this year..maybe it can do the same for you..

"Hello and Happy New Year's Eve! I hope that whether it's already 2010 where you
live or you are about to celebrate the New Year and New Decade that you are ready
for change!

This week I shared with you my 2009 New Year's Resolution, which was a great look
back at where my head was last year. It's amazing how powerful words and intentions
are! 2009 was a challenging year and learning how to trust in the middle of seeming
chaos was exactly what I learned to do in 2009!

But 2010 is a different story. A lot of our old way of living have fallen apart
in the past decade. All of us felt a major shift in 2009, one that is still influencing
our lives today. But there is good news.

Everything in life is a cycle and while 2009 was full of changes, loss, seeming
chaos and endings, I feel that 2010 is our opportunity for a phenomenal rebirth.

My 2010 New Year' Resolution is to continue to create a life from my heart, to allow
instead of try, to let greatness and love in by letting go of fear, to not look
back, to know that I am worth it. I think one of the most important things we can
do in the New Year is to stop chasing what's not meant to be ours and to accept
all the blessings that are ours. 2010 is a year to break old habits and to integrate
the lessons of 2009 so that we can rise to new and great heights that we had only
dreamed of before.

In order to rise we must let go of whatever is not serving our happiness. This includes
unhealthy relationships, habits, ways of thinking, eating, spending, talking and
being that do not serve our Highest Potential.

2010 is a year to give up lower habits and desires and embrace our Highest Desire's
of our Heart. We are setup to do this. You can find your Heart's desire in the space
that's in-between your thoughts. Let go of bad habits and unhealthy relationships.
Know you are worth your Heart's desire and more and that if you let your Heart guide
you, you will always be taken care of.

2009 was a ball-busting year, a tough love year, a time for us to remember our true
priorities. Those of us who got the message, who see what need to be done can make
great leaps towards sustained happiness in 2010.

Do not fear this New Life of ours, step into it with Trust and the knowing that
dream's do come true.

2010 is the year our collective phoenix rises again, this time not from the ego,
but from the Heart. It's going to be an epic year! I've never been so excited and
energized to welcome a new year, a new decade and a new life!!
Happy New Year you guys!! Make it a good one in 2010!
I'll see you on the other side!
All my love,

Reading that over made me feel so good and focused and positive..hope it did the same for you...
Remember "create a life from your heart, to allow
instead of try, to let greatness and love in by letting go of fear, to not look back, to know that I am worth it." "stop chasing what isn't yours". Those words jump out and me and remind me of how great I have become and will be in this promising future.

::sigh:: this is the happiest I've been in 3 years. My mind isn't crowded,confused or clouded by anything..it's such an exciting time for me.. : )

Peace and blessing world..