Monday, March 23, 2009

Scattered Thoughts

Well I'm really tired right now but for some reason i have the urge to write. So i will. Today is March 23, 2009. Today i was grateful for the blog i wrote yesterday. It kinda helped me get back on a certain track and also help some people i know (Well from what they told me lol).

This morning i was super excited because i started the case manager portion of my job. Although they smacked me in the face with cases all the way from December : /, i was super excited because this is my life's work. This is a great step into what i want to do for some time in my life. Although its for Helen Keller so that means its about there eyes and ears, one day it will be about there home life, their reason to why there missing school, why are they fighting..etc. I'm just happy to have this opportunity to get my feet wet. I have my own desk, phone line extension lol, computer, email lol it made me feel a certain lol. I was excited for the most part, but like i said the girl who bounced definitely let me with a handful.

Today i also was reminded of the idea that you cant help people unless they want help. I have been through a lot and because of that, there are certain things that i will not tolerate to see others go through. Like it gets under my skin, for example the blog yesterday. I wrote that because someone close to me is living for everybody and not themselves. Now today i realized with that same person that sometimes you cant lend out a helping hand if they don't want to grab it. Yes sometimes people are scared, comfortable in there situations and they dont want it to change. But then sometimes they are crying out for help and want it to change. But how do you know if they dont clearly say "i need help" ? Who are you to make that decision? I felt like that today fr a little while, like maybe i over stepped my boundries, but then again i felt like i will not allow people around me to be in unhealthy situations. If they wont let me do it, i wont let them do it. I dont just made me so sick today. I started to think of the feeling i had when i was doing what they were doing, and how i knew i wasnt happy. I denied help during that time too, i acted like it was kool..but it wasnt and i was soo grateful that the people around me didnt give up. So i wont give up either....

And did anyone ever watch Degrassi? Remember Jimmy, the token black kid that got shot and is in a wheel chair (on the show). That kid is a rapper lmaooo. Like since when, I'm super late lmao my lil brother put me on. And you know he sounds actually almost good lol. So far gone is the name of his mix tape lol and i actually like it. Just wanted to share that because it made me laugh today who the hell does he think he is lmaooo

Anyway my eyes are drying out on me and i have to be up at seven..

laterzzz mundo

Sunday, March 22, 2009

March to Gratitude

Sunday March 22, 2009
I am grateful for the ability to know my worth and live for me ! !


Another blog for Sunday March 22, 2009. I woke up at the crack since i slept all night and I'm kind of used to it now. Guess what today there isn't any water ! ! lol like what the hell. Any way as i was writing the previous blog and was interrupted by someone. We just had a 2 and a half hour conversation that has left me a lil... ok alot pissed of lol. I am not going to say anything about our conversation, like what exactly we were talking about but i will say why i am pissed. I CANT STAND WHEN PEOPLE AREN'T LIVING FOR THEMSELVES. Now let me explain... lets start with a simple example: you want to wear the red dress but your friend sally doesn't like red or the dress so you decided not to wear it even tho you like it and you bought it for yourself as a treat. Who the fuck is sally? Ok a more serious example: You have always had some type of weird feelings about the same sex but wont say anything to anyone because your afraid. Someone who "cares about you" finds out your secret and calls you a faggot. And you feel like you let them down...WTF how does that make sense?

Anyway i bring those examples to show how someone might not be living for themselves. They base their actions and reactions on the people who "care about them", but never base them on the one person who matters. I do believe you should always think about the people who are there for you, but sometimes they don't have your best interest at heart and don't know your heart the way you do. The one and only person who matters at the end of the day is you. Sometimes we don't make the best decisions for ourselves and the people who "care" are supposed to be there to help you pick up the pieces but not there to pick those pieces out for you. You are supposed to do that ! ! No one else! ! I really got soooo upset, to tears actually when i realized that this person lives for everybody except them self, trying to make everyone happy except themselves, doesn't feel that they deserve anything. I know exactly that feeling and it really hurt me to see them in that state of mind. I remembered how it felt to feel like you can never do something right, never satisfy the person you love, to feel like a fuck up. Its a horrible, trapped feeling and i wouldn't want anyone to live that way. For me to hear this persons story and hear them sound like there is nothing wrong killed me. To hear someone not know there own worth is heart breaking to me...Everyone deserves a chance to be better, everybody deserves to be them self. You are brought into this world alone and its your responsibility to keep you happy and healthy at all times. THE ONLY DISAPPOINTMENT IN YOURSELF THAT SHOULD MATTER IS THE ONE COMING FROM YOU ! ! NO ONE ELSE ! !I've discussed people judging others before. Family and people who care about you shouldn't judge you but they do constantly, and if you care more about what they think than what you know and feel you will never be you and never be completely happy. People who care for you should do exactly that care, not judge, but help you fix things when you fuck up, support you in anything you do or feel. Be there to talk, be there when there needed. But never should they make you feel hurt, pain or disgust in yourself. If someone ever says to you " I'm disappointed, or you let me down because of who you are or what you do. Think about it, think are you disappointed in yourself for doing it or being that way?, do you feel like you let yourself down? Those are the questions that matter when people speak to you that way about being who you are or what you do.

I get alot of slack for being the person i am sometimes. I am extremely out spoken and it can be taken for rudeness. I like to be real with myself and the people around me just so that there isn't a gray area or a gray friend. I don't need it or them around me. And let me tell you how hurtful it was to me to get questioned about my character, why i was the way i am, or just "told about myself". Or even be told," you know alot of people don't like you". That shit was like a stab every time somebody said it. And i really spent alot of time within myself thinking why? what? who? how? I have always listened and even sometimes tried a lil to change me. And honestly there where edges that needed to be rounded out and i worked on them, but at the end of the day i am still me. Out spoken, intimidating, strong, and fearless. The rudeness i am working to get rid of, thats just a example of the bitterness i used to have and im thankful that i learned that. But everything else is ME and i wouldn't change me for anyone. I am sooooo proud of the person i am and who i will become and never want to worry about what others feel about me or think. I tried alot to make others happy with me and i wasn't even happy with myself or what i was doing. With my parents i love them but at the end of the day, we lived different lives and of course i am grateful to have them and everything they have done for me but i have to be myself. My friends all ready know. They are there for a reason, they are true, genuine and amazing people. Although there might not be many of them but the ones i have are full of phenomenal qualities that i lack within myself. Everyone who "doesn't like me" can do just that and miss out on something phenomenal...i don't need them i have enough.

In conjunction with living for yourself and making sure your happy is KNOWING YOUR WORTH ! ! I know for a fact this is something hard for people to realize but it needs to be done. It does take a while before someone realizes here are certain things they don't deserve, and for me it just smacked me in the face one day. So i cant even give like 10 step guide to it lol. I just felt it one day and my heart and said WTF I DESERVE BETTER! ! I guess when you look at all you've been thru and start considering yourself as you number one priority you find your worth.. No one who isn't completely happy with themselves should live thinking that they don't deserve better than what hey have or what there receiving..that should be considered a damn crime.

The pic at the top is of me of course but my tears as well. And i know I'm going to get asked why did i put that up. But i really just wanted to show the reality of my situation, my growth. I am me and i would never never never change what i have been thru, what i have experienced, WHO I AM FOR ANYONE ! ! I couldn't imagine ever going back to that state of mind and forgetting about putting me FIRST. Just that thought alone brings me to tears..No matter if its family,friends, work, spouses anything the most important opinion of yourself is yours, YOU. Your alone in your mind when your thinking, your alone in your heart when your feeling and at the end of the day your alone in that casket when you die. You should be the most important thing to you. Kat Williams said it best " Get in tuned with your star player" ! ! He's a comedian but that shit is real...

To You, you know who you are:
I hope one day you can wake up, open your eyes, smell the dam coffee ,what ever you have to do, do it.. to see how amazing you are and how much you deserve. I don't know if you will be mad when you read this post , but if you are then good get mad and see that this is you and you are soo much better than this. You are still young and have a long way to go in life, but i refuse to let you go on thinking the way you do. You are my friend and i take that serious. I will not have a friend be constantly stripped of her worth and happiness and not even know it, see it or feel it. I see it and its enough for me to get angry and do something about it....





Remember that NO ONE IS PERFECT and WE MAKE MISTAKES but NEVER REGRET just LIVE and remember your LESSONS LEARNED...

deep breath....

Laterzzzz world : )

End of the Week....

Hola blog world. So today is Sunday March 22, 2009. And let me tell you i am exhausted. And i feel horrible that i haven't been keeping up with my beloved blog. I really didn't realize how different my little job would make my everyday schedule lol. I am sooo proud and grateful to be working and have completed my first week of work as a graduate lol but geeeze. 2 weeks ago i was a bum at home for 2 months blogging and sleeping and eating lol. This week that just passed i had to wake up at 6 everyday lol, and somebody might be reading this saying "oh please i always wake up at 6, Ive been doing it for so and so amount of years" whatever. I have spent the last 2 months being an in house hobo lol. Like i soo was not used to waking up in the morning, so being up that early has left me so exhausted. So exhausted that last night was Saturday and where was i? Home ! ! i stood home lol. And mind you , i had plans set up, but i was soooo tired i decided to stay in. For people who know me well, that's a miracle. Even for the parental units it was out of the normal for me lol, they asked me if i was ok lol. Oh man crazy guys, but i definitely am extremely grateful for that job and the people who i work with.

On Friday i continued learning more about my co-workers by just being open minded and non judgmental. Making that pledge to myself about not judging people was the best thing i have ever done. I've walked in to this new journey i call my job with an open mind and heart and have been able to meet some cool new people with their own very colorful stories. Some one i know has this saying, that "behind every heartbeat there is a story",hopefully i got it right lol , but yea its something like that. And that has rang so true for the people at my job. I know everybody in the world has stories for days about something they have been thru or going through. Believe me i know, my friends are prime examples of that. If you look at our pics on face book, we look like the fun party animals but after reading a book i wrote about them you wouldn't even believe some of the stuff they deal with and still keep smiles on their face. (I'll post my writing of them soon). Any way let me get back on track. On Friday i got in a little early and sat with my boss Tonya. After a while 2 other co- workers were there and we got into the conversation of food and nutrition and what not. Next thing you know my boss is telling us about her diet and why and in 2005 (which was only 4 years ago) she was diagnosed with breast cancer. And if you look at Tonya she looks like a very healthy black woman. Very thick in certain areas, firm and always energetic. You would never think she was a breast cancer survivor at all. Anyway she kept going on about her ordeal with breast cancer, the kemo, the surgeries, the appointments etc. Then she explained that she went in to talk about getting reconstructive surgery on her breast and they found another cancer in her abdomen. A totally new one separate from the breast cancer she just beat, called Gist cancer. I really was in complete shock, like my jaw dropped as she spoke to us. I couldn't believe that shit (excuse my french), i just couldn't. I didn't even believe the breast cancer thing and then on top of that Gist cancer, i never heard of that cancer before. Only 2,000 to 3,000 people a year get diagnosed with that cancer, that's how rare it is. And she was diagnosed with it after just getting over breast cancer. Tonya spoke with so much strength, she told us this story like it was nothing. Her voice didn't quiver at all, she wasn't sad, scared anything you would think a 2 time recent survivor would act. I'm laying here writing about her story and I'm getting a lil chocked up and she didn't get that way. In a 4 years span she had 2 different cancers and she was sitting with us as healthy as possible telling us the story. At the end she was saying that we didn't even understand how grateful she was for every waking moment in her life. And you know what, no one cant argue about the another persons level of being grateful. I wouldn't even dare because behind every heart beat there is a story and you would never know until someone tells you. At the end of her story she was laughing and said "I'm so grateful its Friday and not because the weekend is here but because i can be here to witness another Friday go by". And i was just AMAZED at her poise and strength this whole time. Since she interviewed me i always felt she was such a good person and cool and down to earth and i finally realized why. Friday March 20, 2009 and i was grateful for Friday....and not because of the weekend but because of what Tonya said. I was HERE and able to see another Friday go be...i hope people see and feel who strong that statement is and start taking life and living a little more seriously...

That Friday night i met up with Angie and friends and went out for drinks. I haven't seen Angie since graduation and seeing her was good. We caught up on life and it felt good. Its good taking time away from leaves you with something to talk about lol. After drinks we went to KATRA and low and behold we bump in to Ray, running after his Ex-girlfriend lmaooo. That's a whole other blog within itself lol. Saturday as i said in the begining i spent the whole day at home for 2 reasons. one because i was exhausted and 2 because there was NO HOT WATER ! ! My parents are struggling to pay rent thats 2,650 and some change and there is no hot water like WTF ! ! Saturday March 21,2009 i was grateful for the roof over my head..even tho there wasnt any water lol...

and now im home on sunday layin in bed writing to you...whoever you are....

laterz world

Thursday, March 19, 2009

Natasha Richardson/ Kityy: LETS WAKE UP PEOPLE

OK i just wanted wake everybody up real quick. I know everyone has seen the news about the actress who just died after falling whiling skiing. She fell hit her head and walked away feeling fine.In the next few hours she was in the hospital and then the next day brain dead. One of my best friends from highschool, lynnese. Her mom said she had a headache then an hour later they were in the hospital with her. She had a stroke, anurism and was also brain dead. They even told her and her sister that there was nothing they can do for her and they had to make a decision. They kept her on and she is now a lil better and slowly responding to things. This happened in the last 2 weeks. I hope these are 2 good examples of how SHORT life is.

Stop taking life or anything or anyone for for real this shit is no joke ! ! You might have someone you love standing next to you one minute and in the next 15 they can be lifeless and your there regreting something you did or didnt do. Learn to live, learn to let go and take chances. If you dont you are early stunting your own growth. Life isnt promised at all and i know this is something we mention everyday and we hear everyday...but for me its came to close with my friend. I know her moms like i call her kat..and Nessey is my love. To hear you tell me the story hurt me like it was my own mom. And again i was smacked with reality and just wanted to smack everyone else with it. Its real people, face it and learn to live, love and laugh with everything in your heart.....


Milli/ noticing change...

Hola Mundo, Hoy es Thursday 19th, 2009. First and foremost HAPPY BIRTHDAY ANGIE ! ! Angie is or was,my roommate from my college years and today its her birthday so i wanted to shout her out lol.

Any who again last night i missed a blog : ( . I am so sorry to whoever reads and sorry to myself. I honestly was super exhausted after MY FIRST DAY OF WORK ! ! So let me start with that lol. I had to be at Hunts Point Head Start at 8:00 in the morning. SUPER EARLY, i know. And being jobless for 2 months has lead to me sleeping late and going to bed late so that was like WHOA for me lol. I was exhausted. And i had to work with 52 kids between the ages of 3 and 6. Making sure they got vision screening test, saw the doctor, figure out if they were going to be referred for a second appointment and if they are fill out the paper work, speak to parents..the list goes on. This kids were the cutest kids in the world. Some of them didnt even speak English, but i have to say they put the biggest smiles on my face. They were so honest, sweet and innocent and i loved it. But it definitely drained me...i got home and just wanted to sleep but i promised a friend that i would visit them and didnt get back home till like 10. By that time i was pulling myself down the block to my building and home. I guess i know what it feels like to work and you know what i am not complaining hunny ! ! I quickly remember those days i was almost in tears because i didnt have a job and it reminds me to be grateful for that and that exactly what i was grateful for yesterday ! ! Grateful for my current job and beautiful days i have ahead of me with the different children i meet everyday.

Well today again i had to be at work at 8:30 but this time downtown in the L.E.S. And it was a very short day. Started rough since there first language was Chinese, but as the day went on it got easier. Since me and my co-workers were done early my boss took us out to lunch. Here is where the blogs name comes into play....

I know for a fact before i wasnt a very social person at all. You either had to be my friend already somehow or introduced to me and me actually like you for us to speak. This carried into work and school, like group work i would do my part and bounce. And before i was never really friendly with co-workers, especially if i wasnt working next to you all day. So at lunch i saw a NEW ME ! ! I was in conversation with people i just met the day before, and even tho that might sound like "umm why wouldnt you speak to them", for me its like amazing. I dont speak to people unless i have to , i always have carried a nasty attitude and just like a wall up for no reason, immediately thinking that me and the person have nothing in common. Today i saw and also yesterday as well, i just saw a brighter, lighter, loosened up me. I was introduced to someone yesterday and instead of trying to test them i just talked to them and tried to see them for who they are. Today i just listened to my co-workers, laughed, talked and chilled and i was like whoa who am i lolol. I really really walked away from lunch being so proud of ME. I felt so good to not be so insecure that i couldnt hold a normal conversation.

Well on to Milli...Milli is a co-worker of mine. When i met her i didnt judge at all since this is something new im doing. I just spoke to her and today we rode the train together home. She had mentioned at lunch that she had a son. So on the train just to start convo i asked about him, that lead to an amazing convo. Milli is older than me (not gonna shout her age out lol), she has an 8 year old who has a disability, lives in the pjs alone with him, goes to school at night and is working with me. She wakes up at 5 to put him on the on the school bus by 7 and then off to meet me at work by 8 or 8:30. She explained to me her regular day , explained to me when she moved out her house at the age of 19, when she lived in Connecticut. Like she wrote a book for me about her life, and i must say it was a good one. This woman said to me that she looks at herself now and see's so much growth from where she was in her life before, she said "i can easily be on public assistance, but i refuse to give my son that example". Like i didn't want her to get off the train. She really was teaching so much in a simple 15 min conversation. I was thinking about everything i learned about myself in the past months and everything i was hearing from her and i just took a deep breathe when she got off the train. I really really felt so good, blessed, highly favored whatever lolol. I was so happy to have given myself the chance to change and be better for me. Happy that I'm not wasting time and energy on anger and just really living life. I have to constantly be honest with myself know a days to stay on this track and I'm just to grateful to be on it.

This morning i got to the train station and forgot my 25 dollar unlimited. So i had to spend another 4 bucks for another metro card for the day. When I'm telling you i lost it for a second, i freaking lost it. I said FUCK ME ! ! sooo loud, people rushing for the train looked back at me. I ran and luckily got the train and i was soooo angry and you wanna know what i did? I sat down and was like OK Ashley what to you have to be grateful for? And i know it might seem unbelievable but i did it. I really thought about how grateful i was to have the 4 dollars to even purchase a new card because some people don't have that. I thought about fact that i even had a job to go to this morning because alot of people don't have that. And while i was doing that my heart beat slowed down and the frown turned upside down.

When i am saying i have changed hunny.....i am changing and it feels amazing like it really does. I feel light and bright as all hell and i love it.

I am completely exhausted so I'm going to take a nap but if i have thoughts for later I'll get to typing...

March 19th Grateful for change...


Tuesday, March 17, 2009

Lets Recap and Catch up....

HELLOOOOOOO, today is March 17th, 2009. I know i know, i have slacked completely. I haven't written a blog since wed..i know i suck for that, don't worry i had my nephew kick me in the leg real quick. I think i got a lil caught up with the whole new job thing, my friends coming home, my sisters bday and just plain old celebrating that i fell off track. But I'm back. lol

Ughhhh okay where do i start....

Umm okay lets begin with Thursday which was March 12th, 2009. I was Grateful for Helen Keller International Non profit Org for HIRING ME ! ! I GOT A JOB ! ! Although i spoke about the job I got the day i received it, i slept on it and i woke up feeling amazing. It isn't my dream job, it's not what i want to focus on eventually in my career as a social service worker but its a start. In my room on my wall i have a post it note from a college friend. They weren't going to see me before graduation so on the note they wrote "Congrats, they always said our kind cant make it and you have". I see it every morning when i get up because its right on my wall and on Thursday morning it made me really think deep and i became extremely proud of myself. I have been very fortunate in my life in many ways, I am a 22year old Latina who has graduated college and has no children. That's like amazing because i beat out so many statistics that didn't expect me to be where i am now, and that note reminded me of that.

Friday March 13th, 2009. It was a very relaxing day, and good one since i picked up my check from my temp agency lol. So that day i was grateful for 2 things. I was grateful for Axion which is my temp agency and for tyra banks episode that day. The axion thing is clear, like i got a check, who wouldn't be happy about that lol. But i spent alot of the day at home relaxing and really reflecting on the Tyra banks episode that was given the day before. It was soooooooooooooo gooodddd and if you know me you know her show bothers me alot of the time lol. But this episode was about teens in abusive relationships. The signs of abuse, what is abuse? what isn't? how to get help and so on. Like it was sooooo gooooood. And i know i spent a couple of blogs discussing my past relationship with number 2. And as much as i have dissected that part of my life and realized things, i have never said to myself or out loud that i was in an abusive relationship. And after watching Tyra, i was like i was in an abusive relationship in every shape and form, verbal, physical, mental all that. And i kinda knew that but didn't admit it to myself and i think that was the last thing i needed to do to really let it all go. Because the minute i said it to myself out loud all the hurt i felt waking up some randoms left, i felt literally felt it float away and it felt soo good. Everybody says the first step is admitting and realizing the problem, and i think i did the whole problem backwards lol but it worked for me. Like i knew there was a problem but i didn't name it till last Thursday and it worked lol.....

Saturday March 14th, 2009 was a pretty crazy day. It was my sisters bday and my grandmothers. My grandmother ,from my moms side, has Alzheimer's and we threw a party for the both of them. It was mainly to get everybody together again for my grandmother. Shes in the very late stages of her disease and honestly as hard as it is for me to say it, is in the last stages of her life. Shes been in and out the hospital and what not and its been hard definitely. During the party we decided to have picture time with her and it really bothered me. She doesn't remember anyone and was almost like afraid of all of us crowding around her trying to take pics. And i said something about it and my mom said to me that we have to do this now, that we needed this pics because she doesn't have alot of time left. And believe me i know she doesn't but to hear it outside my head hurt me. My grandmother raised me practically till like 10, how do you think i know Spanish lol. Although she doesn't remember us or me, i have never changed the view of her in my head. I talk to her all the same, like she knows what I'm talking about. Its been extremely difficult to be around her and go visit her knowing she wont know you, its almost like this person is deteriorating in front of your face. In my eyes she was the strongest woman ever, i love her, always will and always thought she would be here forever. I know that cant happen but i kinda want to not believe it. Like i spent 6 hours dedicating some ink on my side to my grandmother lol, I don't know what I'm going to do with myself when that day comes... Saturday March 14th, 2009 i was grateful for my loud family gatherings and my grandmother...

Sunday was March 15th, 2009. I woke up in shambles after the crazyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy night before. I was grateful for the S.P.B.M which stands for Sonia's Play Boy Mansion lmaooo. I am not even going to go into detail about what madness went on there but it was amazing and i had another great night of fun with the urban dance alliance lolol....

Monday was March 16th,2009 and i was exhausted. I didn't get to sleep much because my nephew was here and a men tee of mine came around lol. So i spent time mentoring the youth lol an enjoyed it...I was grateful for McDonald's chicken nuggets 8 )......

Today is Tuesday March 17th, 2009 and it was my FIRST DAY OF WORK.....well training lol but im getting paid so work dammit lol. And i went in at the crack with the positive attitude i was working on and open mind and it paid off. I learned more about what i will be doing on a daily basis and was actually offered extra hours doing some case manager work (which is exactly the Field i want some more experience in), so i left there supppppppppppppperrrrrrrr dupppperrrr excited. I'll be working with children and making sure their eyes and ears are healthy and keeping up with their parents to make sure they keep up with there children's appointments and what not. As i said at the beginning of this blog, its not the dream job but its a job ! ! And when she (supervisor) asked if i wanted to do some case manager work i was like AMAZING.. Things always find a way to work themselves in your favor if you can stay positive, open minded and grateful. Tuesday March 17th , 2009, I am grateful for opportunity ! !

For the readers:
Hey guys I'm sorry i slacked off for so long...i really apologize, cuz when I'm following other peoples blogs and don't get my daily dose i feel like I'm missing my fix lol.

Everyone really really focus on the things you have and never take anything or anyone for granted. I think that was my lesson for last week. Just really BE GRATEFUL for whats in front of you and in your life now because any minute it might be gone or it might be the message or catalyst leading you to an open door or a new beginning....


laterzzzzzz world

Wednesday, March 11, 2009

March to Gratitude

Ughhhh again i forgot lol...

Today is Wednesday March 11th, 2009 and I am Grateful for Emergency rooms...your mothers remedies and guesses can only do so much..very under the weather : (....


Phase 2.....

Heyyyy everyone it's Wednesday March 11th, 2009. Today begins Phase 2. I am still pretty exhausted and sickly, but i went to my temp job anyway and kept stuffing those boxes. But today was different. While i was stuffing my boxes i received a voice mail. On my break i checked it and guess what. I GOT A JOB ! ! ! ! LMAOOOOOOOO

Remember the interview that inspired the blog named "Weakness..No way"? (Well if you haven't, go read it. but if you have continue reading...) In that blog i talked about an interview i went on that was really good and very positive in so many ways. Just to recap really quickly, the day was sunny and bright and the director, who is named Tonya, was just as bright as the day. She gave off an amazingly positive vibe that brought out the positive spirit of mine that i have been working on. She asked me questions that really helped me think deep and reflect on the person i am. They really were some interesting questions, it almost didn't feel like an interview. I felt like i was writing a blog. or maybe because of my recent growth with this blog, i was so sure of myself these questions were easy and didn't shake me at all, but just helped me think a little deeper. Anyway like i said the interview went really well, so low and behold...I GOT THE JOB ! ! lol.

So starting Tuesday March 17,2009, I will be a program assistant for the Helen Keller International Foundation. Here is the link to the website ( Heres a little background on the organization...

(Founded in 1915, Helen Keller International (HKI) is among the oldest international nonprofit organizations devoted to fighting and treating preventable blindness and malnutrition. HKI is headquartered in New York City, and has programs in 22 countries in Africa and Asia as well as in the United States. HKI builds local capacity by establishing sustainable programs, and provides scientific and technical assistance and data to governments and international, regional, national and local organizations around the world. HKI programs combat malnutrition, cataract, trachoma, onchocerciasis (river blindness) and refractive error. The goal of all HKI programs is to reduce suffering of those without access to needed health or vision care and ultimately, to help lift people from poverty.)

Any way what i will be doing is going to Public Schools in Manhattan, Bronx, Queens, and Brooklyn and Monitoring and assisting in providing children with eye and hearing exams. Getting there paper work done and helping them get the proper treatment for whatever issue they may have. Now there is a little bit of a downside, but i don't see it that way. But anyway there aren't any benefits starting, and since i work in the public school system i work till June and get summers off then start back again in September. I mean summers off is cool but with no pay..that's no bueno. But the Director who interviewed me (which is my boss) said they are always looking to give someone who does a job well done a permanent position. So if i give my best everyday i can get a all year round position with benefits. But for now i am full time regardless I'm just gonna be the phenomenal person i am and get that benefit job in nooo time ! !

I want to give a huge thank you to my family....not the blood kind but my friends. Once i told them they celebrated and sound more happy than i did. Blessing me with congrats, I'm proud of you, i love yous all day. Although getting a job is what you do when you graduate college, its been a long process and its good to know that they are there for me and with me on my journey when they have their own journeys to worry about. I wanted to say that because i came home and told my mother and definitely didn't get that reaction. I didn't even get a sarcastic "yippee", and honestly it almost brought me to tears to feel like i cant do anything to get a good proud mom reaction out of her (because graduation didn't do that either so i thought i a job could of but no). Maybe she isn't good at showing emotions, but i am on my way at being great at it. i refuse to be held back by the negativity in my house. I was upset for a little while but spoke to someone and they said this

"they say family is supposed to be ur #1 support system, and since u consider ur friends ur family then u should be happy"

And right then and there my happy bubble blew up right around me again...I am super excited and so is my family... WE HERE AND U MAD ! !

I'm calling this Phase 2 because i will be taking what i have learned about myself in the past month and a half, and taking it into the real world. It will be a new journey to document and i cant wait to see what i learn about myself out there....

Shout outs:

"Hard head 8th ward" Jovan Layne for surviving Hurricane KATRINA, coming to Suny New Paltz and having only 4 more classes to take to graduate hunny ! ! i love u boo and cant wait to see you this weekend ! !

Thanx for that line KING.....

The pic is of me with Helen Keller International's logo backwards lolol

Laterzzzz world (I HAVE A JOB lolol)

Tuesday, March 10, 2009

Theme Songs

HEYY guys today is March 10th, 2009. Long day clearly since I'm blogging at this time : /.... Sorry i was to busy trying to quickly type up a bull crap criticism of something. I'm exhausted and my brain is fried and i don't really have much to say today. But i will discuss my march for gratitude of the day. Today i was grateful for the last verse of Nas's "You Can Hate Me Now" track..makes me feel a certain

First of all the whole song gets me hype, especially the chorus. "You can hate me now, But i wont stop now"...i love love love love that. And my favorite part of the song is the last couple of lines in the song which says "