Tuesday, August 23, 2011
Today is August 23rd and 25 years ago i was brought back into this earth as Ashley Soleil. Yes today is my 25th birthday!!!!! Every ones been reminding me constantly and asking me how does it feel and up until today i didn't have a real solid answer. I spent the entire day yesterday reflecting on my 24 years.
I thought about it all. I walked around my new neighborhood and reflected on being here and also where i used to be for 24 years. Being that I'm Me, there was sooo much to reflect on; good and bad of course. But the bottom line is that there WAS soo much to think about. I cant express how extremely blessed i feel to have been able to experience the life i have experienced in the last 24 years. Believe me you there are things so dark that i still have difficulty sharing them but they are a huge part of me and make the good and great things even greater. If i can find a better word than "blessed" i would use it but for now BLESSED it is.
I must admit, I am one to constantly complain and be critical about things but sitting in the sun yesterday and just reflecting on where i am just made me soooo happy. I'm content to be HERE. Some people don't even realize how special that is, to be HERE, but it is. Some people don't even realize how important and special it is breathe everyday. Some people don't even realize that they are breathing! But you are every minute of the day without knowing and its a phenomenon that happens within you and we don't even respect it. Yesterday i started respecting it. I am ALIVE, BREATHING and LIVING out whats been written for me and surviving it like a soldier. As i type right now the tears are swelling up in my eyes of course cuz if you know me you know how emotional of a person i am. I really felt like i just woke up yesterday and realized how unimportant certain things are and how important it is to be HERE happy and with PEACE OF MIND. Last night at 11pm i shut my phone off and tried something new. Instead of focusing on who was going to call me first at 12, I closed my eyes and counted my breaths. Everything time i inhaled and exhaled it counted as one. Seems simple but its so hard to do when your mind is like mine and races a mile a min. Every time i thought of something else besides breathing i started over. I didn't get to far up in counting but i was relaxed, i felt a smile on my face and i fell asleep like a baby. I fell asleep feeling blessed and just happy with everything around me.
On this beautiful morning on the day of my 25th birthday the first thing i wanted to do was write these amazing feelings down and share them with the world. Once i post this i feel like i can enjoy my day going forward. Really enjoy it and not take one thing for granted. At this milestone in my life i am more concerned with the going forward. Going forward i want to focus on having peace of mind. For 24 years I've allowed everything in my life make me. Now i want to take everything out of my head and be ME. I wanna meet the magnificent God that i have within me. Be happier inside and out and teach others to do the same.
This last year in my life has been amazing in so many ways to me as far as growth and has brought me HERE.I AM SO GRATEFUL FOR EVERYTHING I HAVE IN MY LIFE RIGHT NOW, EVERYONE I HAVE IN MY LIFE RIGHT, AND EVERYTHING I DON'T. THERE ISN'T A THING I WOULD CHANGE NO MATTER HOW UNHAPPY IT MIGHT MAKE ME AT TIMES, FOR AT THE END OF THE DAY IT IS ALL WORLDLY THINGS THAT WILL NOT COME WITH ME WHEN I GO ON INTO THE NEXT LIFE. My family, my friends, my education, my career choice, my love, my dog just everything is perfect for me right now where i am and i couldn't feel any happier. I have so much more to accomplish in life and I've never felt stronger and more determined to get to my goals.
There are so many lessons i have learned over the years but the one that comes up every time, the one that always makes the most sense is EVERYTHING HAPPENS FOR A REASON!! Every little thing that is happening in my life right now is happening for a reason and has brought me right here mentally where i am today!
I am grateful
I am happy
I am love
I am phenomenal
I AM 25 TODAY!!!!!! HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO ME!!!!
HASTA LUEGO WORLD!!
MUAHHHHHHHHHH <3 ; )
Posted by Anonymously_30 at 7:32 AM
Tuesday, June 28, 2011
Over the past year i have to say the lesson of acceptance is one that has caused the most pain and joy! I dont really have lots of answers but more so questions for who evers reading to think about! These questions might even help me get an even better understanding. Who knows?!
In love why is it sooooo hard to accept?! Im talkin about accepting the negative and positive, accepting someones or your own feelings, accepting a break up or even a proposal. Why is it so hard for us to accept?! I really have been thinking about this for a while.
I realized in my own experiences that not accepting things has brought me more pain than ever. Ive spent alot of wasted time fighting for something/someone in a relationship plenty of times instead of accepting WHAT IS! I might not want to say wasted time because without those experiences i would of never found myself here writing about acceptance.
Why do we fight WHAT IS?! Why cant we just say okay you know what,our season is up for now and began the process of healing and learning lessons. I have some ideas of my own.
I've thought about confidence. Are we never 100% sure of ourselves to say okay i accept this is over?! Are we not confident enough in ourselves to just simply move on and be okay?! Do we feel the need to hang on to issues because where afraid of being alone?! Were we not born alone? Have we not experienced enough alone time to accept it?! Or Is it the idea that we give "love" to much credit. Ive heard myself and plenty of people around me say "but i love him/her". Umm okay you love him/her and now what does that mean?! How much weight does that hold against WHAT IS?! I believe we use love sometimes as a cruch to keep holdin on to things instead of accepting the love for self and taking that and running. In a conversation with a friend she said this " When being in a relationship it's been very common to lose yourself in that union with the other person. Before them you are you after them it becomes that you have to work on you all over again. You should of stayed you during that relationship Because it would of help prevent not feeling so lost afterwards.Along with this acceptance is the understanding of what Time means. Time does not equate to anything beyond what it was to that relationship. I often hear people myself included at one point say or another say "but I was with him for x amount of years." Ok fine but do you want to be with that person for another x amount of years wasting more time because you fail to ACCEPT that Time with this person is up and that anymore investment made will just add to the demise of your heartbreak". Losing yourself and heartbreak?!?! Is losing a love interest like a death?! Because in the process of healing from a death Acceptance is one of the steps. Are we searching to hard for love in other humans and gettin sooo attached that when its over it feels like death?!
Well let me tell you its not!! You are still breathing!! The more you fight the more it hurts. ACCEPTING WHAT IS, is freedom! Its really easy too. Your not forgetting, giving up or not fighting for what you want. Your allowing yourself to be happy another day. Enjoy the blessings of what was and begin to accept the blessings of what is!! All negativity can go that way ----->. Start loving your self more. Begin to look at love as a cirlce of life. You give you recieve. Ones love can be lost and found again. But if you are still loving yourself you are okay. No one is perfect and the closer you get to accepting that the better you feel.
And this is coming from someone who has always fought, argued, cried for love but i am loving myself now!! Im accepting the me i am and accepting that the universe has it all layed out for me and what will be will be. Dont worry about no one else or how they think. You are whats important. Really think hard about what u were doing before that person. You were surviving! Now continue doing it and take the new lessons with you. You have the right to mourn but u also need to accept.
I recieved a text mesaage this morning that said "A day of worry is more exhausting than a week of work." STOP WORRYING, STOP FIGHTING AGAINST IMMOVABLE FORCES!!! its exhausting. This isnt just a love issue only. In all aspects of life acceptance can be a hard time. I moved to the bronx yeaterday and was having a difficult time accepting it!! But guess what i did and i woke up to the birds chirping!! Its all mind over matter! Relax yourself take a deep breathe and say okay ive given my best at the time and now im moving forward n accepting!! Dosnt mean you forgetting anything or losing love your just ACCEPTING WHAT IS!!
Oh yes always use your friends for that cruch if needed!! How can u ever get thru things like this without your friends!!
HASTA LUEGO MUNDO DE BLOGGERS LOL
Location:My new room
Posted by Anonymously_30 at 4:00 PM
Friday, June 24, 2011
Soooo as i promised in February, i came back to explain my epiphany. Yes its been 4 months but dont judge me!!! This is a judge free zone!! Lol . Lord so where do i began. Usually i take my time and explain in detail were my life has been but since im posting from my phone im going to try n keep it breif. Also im hoping that if i do keep it breif some people will get up the nerve to ask the in between questions and spark up some convo. After all, during convo is where i learn the most about mua!! And this is MY transformation right?!
I dont remember if i mentioned befored but last August i turned 24, I was layed off and decided to change my career path! I went from about to register for MSW courses to researching some nursing and emt schools. I ended up taking a 2 1/2 month EMT course and became a certified save ya life chick literally!! Then in January i decided to continue on that path (since i enjoyed it soooo much) and registered to begin taking pre reqs courses to be able to apply to accelerated nursing programs in the state. So i am on a full blown path to becoming Ashley Soleil Rodriguez RN!!! (dont worry ill be gentle hehe) It reads easy but believe its been a long 10 months. Very life changing and full of lessons that i cant wait to explore here on my good ole blog!!
Personally there has been more than what i can even handle going on!! My family is moving to the Bronx (insert gag sound here) ,grams is in a nursing home but doing well, im STILL layed off and its blowing mine lol, and my love life is in shambles ( whats new!!! ). Oh yes and lots and lots of interpersonal growth that i wasnt even ready for. All of that brought me right back here!!
Here where i can openly share my most inner thoughts with who knows and explore them as a type! My blogspot is and has always been the best form of therapy ive ever had in life ( and ive had quite a few lol ). Im just happy to have been able to knock down that writers block n get back to what helps me think clearly!!
Now that i can blog from my phone you will get lots more post from me!! I have sooooooo much to share and question and investigate!! But for now im back to shredding and studying lol
Hasta luego who evers out there!!!
- Posted using BlogPress from my iPhone
Posted by Anonymously_30 at 1:00 PM
Tuesday, February 22, 2011
Today is Tuesday February 22nd of 2011. Yea its been that long lol. I don't know who reads this but I just want to share with whoever that I have traveled a long road from October (my last post). Ive made some MAJOR decision's , some MAJOR changes. In this year of 2011 I am turing 25 and looking back and forward..I HAVE COME SOOO FAR. I came to a huge epiphany today and over the last week or so. I will go into things deeper later..I have exams to study for but I definitely will come back and release all this positive energy into my blog. I need to, its only right. This blog was created to help me find my happy..shit to basically help me find myself. Its only right...
HASTA LUEGO MUNDO (don't go to far i will be back..i always come back)
HASTA LUEGO MUNDO (don't go to far i will be back..i always come back)
Posted by Anonymously_30 at 7:20 PM