Hey Guys so today is Friday December 18,2009 and I see the man again..the one who was completely at peace on the 2 train. He smiled at me, sitting the same position he was in before. His hands in like a typical meditation position. Today he was smiling at everybody, seemed like he was hype it was Friday too lol....
Randomness...
I love my parents..they have brought me this far..there not perfect but gave me the tools and taught me how to use them. I might have some resentment deep down inside but I can and will over come that and love them unconditionally. And anyone who tries to disrespect them will not do so without having to deal with me.....
Monday December 21,2009...Sometimes I catch myself missing him or thinking how sad I would be if i see him with someone else..but then I think about the heartache I felt and things lighten up, but then there is that lingering feeling of that lil ounce of love,that doesn't go away fast, it takes time and patience and that I have to keep in mind cuz I tend to get upset with myself like ughh let it go. Some days I just randomly miss him but then I have an amazing convo with my brother from another mother who is in the situation I was in and I remember why I am here. You can't love someone unconditionally if you don't love yourself. If you did you would realize the dragging back and forth, the jealousy, the lies, the crying, fighting is selfish and you wouldn't tolerate it. Once I get reminded of that, I smile and move on. Of course u miss that person who was a constant in your life everyday but you don't miss the heartache..Sometimes you feel heartache being apart but if you still feel that you aren't really 100% loving yourself or at least trying...It will be better with that person once you are healthy enough to know whats best for you, maybe you can teach them something, build an amazing friendship who knows..well that's how i feel, i cant speak for others...i deserve the best..this is for the best..
...doesn't hurt to be polite...like people really need to start considering other people in there life. This idea of "I gotta worry about me" is tru but there is always room for being considerate. The only thing I might say you owe someone is the common courtesy If there in your life on a daily basis ya know that's all...my biggest dream is probably having a family and making my own traditions..
I've been so happy lately...like inside i feel so light, very airy if that makes sense to anyone. I wake up everyday and just smile while i force myself out of bed lol. I say good morning and mean it, i smile at random people on the train. And to be honest its weird for me since i have spent have my 23 years angry at whatever whenever. Feels like a burden has been lifted...a veil...and i am seeing and understanding things clearer now, keeping an open mind and i love it. I have faith in me, i love me, i love the sun lol...
lol sorry for being all over the place..goodnight lol
No comments:
Post a Comment