Friday December 4th,2009 8:53am..on the train to work and a man asked a women " excuse me mam can I give your son some advice..he sounds very smart an I just want to give him advice" the women responds yea go ahead and he tells the kid " never give up on your dreams and never give up on yourself". I looked at the man and smiled. It was so simple and so genuine and it made my heart very warm. This man then turned back and looked as if he was starting to meditate. Had his fingers in that certain position. Looked extremely regular but his soul was clean,free,happy,enlightened. Like he knew enuff to keep him happy and clear minded. Amazing I thought,on the 2 train crowded peopled annoyed all around you and he sat there in a meditating position with his aura glowing..it impressed me made me jealous and curious all at the same time. My stop came and I stood up and looked at him and smiled. He put his hand together and bowed his head at me and I got off. That really made my entire morning. A man at peace with himself...he seemed so alive within himself. Made me wonder what do I have to do to get there..what road to follow. It was beyond being relaxed it was just a very easy soul. Nothing bothered him. Brings me to what my blog last night what supposed to be about. A mantra. A few sentences you put together that speak to you personally and give you motivation. My amazingly talented friend Ayanna had a mantra written and posted on her wall, I saw that like a year ago and always said I would make one for myself. Never did. Just finished a great book by Terrie Williams called black pain. And she spoke of creating a mantra for yourself to motivate you and keep you at peace and positive. This man on the train reminded me of my mantra that I kept saying I would create for myself. I needed something to remind me of where I want to be..at peace,moving forward, accomplishing my goals, positive. So my goal for this weekend is to create a mantra for myself. It will be the beginning of finding peace within myself.
Yea so I wrote that Friday morning on my way to work. It's now Monday December 7th,2009 and I'm on my way to work after a long weekend. So again this weekend I took a step backwards in my growing process and allowed myself to hurt n get hurt. I don't want to go into details I just want to say that it hurts lol. I am not completely broken down at all I'm actually handling it better than I have in the past but nonetheless my heart hurts. That's probably one of the feelings I hate the most. A punch is easier to deal with than this. But I must say my friends are the greatest thing in life that I am blessed with. They said the right things..cracked the right jokes..they were there when I needed them. I couldn't ask for anything else. Sooo I didn't have time to create a mantra between my tears..but I'm not gonna allow myself to fall so far of track like I have before. Today I will take the time to think about what will help me move onward n upward past this situation and make a great couple of lines for myself. I wanna use the words peace,fearless,strength,power,
Yea so i wrote that Monday and now today is Thursday December 10,2009 and I'm on my way downtown after work. Really busy week at work and honestly I have been exhausted. But I have definitely thought about my mantra all week..so much that at work on my computer I have sticky notes that have positive messages written on them. For example one says "I'm worth it", another says "lack of ambition is so wack" and "onward and upward..progression..only you can make your dreams come true!!". They make me feel good,every time I read them, and they are reminders of my mantra that I have been wanting to create for myself. I'm starting to realize how long it might take me to create it to lol. I have so many aspects that I want to touch and I won't be satisfied till I get the perfect mantra. The one that jumps off the paper and into my heart and gets me moving!! Maybe I'm giving it to much responsibility lol but I really want it to make me feel good.
Anyway 2 cool things happened this week 1. I had an refreshingly honest convo lol and it was good after the weekend of lies I had and 2. I have talked everyday to someone who is like a mirror image of myself lol. Both are cool because in both I learned so much. Reflectively and about the other person. And like I've said many times before I love learning new things about myself thru someone elses views and just learning about anything. I learned this week people will surprise you. Of course this is something that you know and hear all the time. But regardless how many times you hear it you still get comfortable with the ideas of people you want to believe, and once that happens surprise surprise. I want to learn to not be surprised but have faith at the same time. How do you do that without seeming standoffish and phony?!?!
Anyway moving on to some random thoughts i have been having. I always want to say that the tattoo on my wrist signifies what being HERE first meant to me the minute I understood it in my heart.... I also want to say that people need to let go of the old me and get to know the new me. It's a new year and for me it's like a new beginning. My growth has surprised a lot of people as I have seen and some people can't see past the old me. If you can't see it I'm sorry you can't because I think it's great. Everyday my heart gets lighter and brighter and my list of lessons unlearned is getting shorter. I'm a Caterpillar on her way to her ca coon...pollination at it's finest...I feel free er than I have ever felt before, and I'm sure it will only get better. Now people will be HERE or not. Like I said people will surprise you but I'm more concerned with how I can surprise myself right now.
I am Me..the keeper of MY dreams and of my HEART. I can produce positivity and peace, I have the strength withing myself to bring happiness and love to myself and others. I believe in ME. I will be a social worker, I will be GREAT and I will always recognize being HERE is a life of existence and I exist. Wow I think I found my mantra ::tear::..what you guys things ?!
Hasta Luego Mundo ! !