TODAY IS JUNE 16, 2010....WOW its been a while ! ! Another huge long break between my blogging, but today i felt the urge. Well to be honest lately i have been feeling the urge to write down how i have been feeling on the inside. HELLO EVERY ONE! ! LOL I feel like I'm in a huge empty auditorium talking to myself as i write this, but thats okay, I have realized yesterday how much i love being alone somewhere thinking with myself : )...
So lets start with a recap... Last time i spoke to you i was working with foster care (that was a very interesting experience to say the least), I was explaining why someone feelings got hurt (that was also silly) and i just living my life as per usual. In the past 4 months i have continued to work but not with foster care (thank u baby Jesus) and have just moved on emotionally in so many ways...you know continuing to "grow up" i would say. I guess that feeling of growing up is what brought me to write today. Some days when i feel lost i come back and read my own blogs just to get a quick reminder of what my purpose is right now in my life...my lessons learned...my journey. I did that this morning because...i guess i was feeling a tad bit lost and also i have seeing things around me come full circle i guess you can say. Any who it brought me back here today to just (which to be honest is one of my favorite things to do).
LOST: I don't feel lost like i didn't know how to find my way back to the blogging site lol but lost like i had lost my focus on me and my transformation. I don't know if i have mentioned it before but i am my worst enemy. I dont care how crazy it sounds, but seriously inside my head there is a voice that argues with me all the time lol. It honestly stops me from doing things and pushes me do to other things..its very loud too sometimes lol. I know i sound nutz but who the hell are u to judge right? Anyway that shit gets so loud and anoying it made me lose my focus on becoming the best version of me i can be. Although i have been continuing some of my practices that come along with the better me, my moments of introspection and faith in myself have been smothered by the voice lately..but i am back bitches..shes still there but i am determined to drown her out !!
FULL CIRCLE: Watching things around me come full circle was the push that brought me back today. I have spent the last 4 months spending alot of time with my family, which is very weird for me, and slowly trying to opening my heart to someone new. Trust and believe it has not been easy but its been soooo worth it. If you keep up with my blogs you know i cherish family and friends ALOT but didn't really have that relationship with my family that i wanted. Well in the last 4 months that has changed. I have come to forgive and forget and enjoy my familia for the they are!! Really really means alot to me to feel this way about them and im so happy i do but its tru. There a bunch of fuckin nut jobs but they are here with me and for me if i need them. I also had the opportunity to reconnect with my uncle who is unfortunately locked up in jail. He is my favorite unlce tho and we speak all the time and they have been the best conversations ever! i learn him and he learns the new older me since he hasn't seen me in a while. But regardless the connection is still there and it feels great to know that. There has been way more positive energy around when it comes to my family and me and i couldn't be happier.
Now with the HIM. I don't want to go into details but i will say he has been amazing, understanding,caring, a respectable gentlemen, all things sweet and most importantly he has been himself and he has accepted me as myself. No judgements of each others past just looking towards the future. Im just excited to see what the future has for that....
Yesterday evening i spent it with my sister, niece and her friends. They were dieing to see DRAKE and the seaport and because of it we almost died...lol seriously. But after we had dinner and caught myself giving her advice on friendships and boys and all the other things high school comes with. I remember when Chloe was born..i remember changing her paper..i remember her when she was 2, 3 4, years old. And here i was giving her sound advice for her life. THAT WAS A FULL CIRCLE.
Honestly after reading this over before sending it out into the world i realized that i guess i really wasn't lost at all. Everyday in my interesting life is apart of my journey and everyday i learn something new. I guess these past 4 months i have been doing alot of "FIELD" work instead of soul reconstruction, and i am so grateful for it!
I'm going to do my best this summer to keep this updated...i really missed writing and this feeling it just gave me was amazing...
I hope everyone has a wonderful day!!!
HASTA LUEGO MUNDO : )
So lets start with a recap... Last time i spoke to you i was working with foster care (that was a very interesting experience to say the least), I was explaining why someone feelings got hurt (that was also silly) and i just living my life as per usual. In the past 4 months i have continued to work but not with foster care (thank u baby Jesus) and have just moved on emotionally in so many ways...you know continuing to "grow up" i would say. I guess that feeling of growing up is what brought me to write today. Some days when i feel lost i come back and read my own blogs just to get a quick reminder of what my purpose is right now in my life...my lessons learned...my journey. I did that this morning because...i guess i was feeling a tad bit lost and also i have seeing things around me come full circle i guess you can say. Any who it brought me back here today to just (which to be honest is one of my favorite things to do).
LOST: I don't feel lost like i didn't know how to find my way back to the blogging site lol but lost like i had lost my focus on me and my transformation. I don't know if i have mentioned it before but i am my worst enemy. I dont care how crazy it sounds, but seriously inside my head there is a voice that argues with me all the time lol. It honestly stops me from doing things and pushes me do to other things..its very loud too sometimes lol. I know i sound nutz but who the hell are u to judge right? Anyway that shit gets so loud and anoying it made me lose my focus on becoming the best version of me i can be. Although i have been continuing some of my practices that come along with the better me, my moments of introspection and faith in myself have been smothered by the voice lately..but i am back bitches..shes still there but i am determined to drown her out !!
FULL CIRCLE: Watching things around me come full circle was the push that brought me back today. I have spent the last 4 months spending alot of time with my family, which is very weird for me, and slowly trying to opening my heart to someone new. Trust and believe it has not been easy but its been soooo worth it. If you keep up with my blogs you know i cherish family and friends ALOT but didn't really have that relationship with my family that i wanted. Well in the last 4 months that has changed. I have come to forgive and forget and enjoy my familia for the they are!! Really really means alot to me to feel this way about them and im so happy i do but its tru. There a bunch of fuckin nut jobs but they are here with me and for me if i need them. I also had the opportunity to reconnect with my uncle who is unfortunately locked up in jail. He is my favorite unlce tho and we speak all the time and they have been the best conversations ever! i learn him and he learns the new older me since he hasn't seen me in a while. But regardless the connection is still there and it feels great to know that. There has been way more positive energy around when it comes to my family and me and i couldn't be happier.
Now with the HIM. I don't want to go into details but i will say he has been amazing, understanding,caring, a respectable gentlemen, all things sweet and most importantly he has been himself and he has accepted me as myself. No judgements of each others past just looking towards the future. Im just excited to see what the future has for that....
Yesterday evening i spent it with my sister, niece and her friends. They were dieing to see DRAKE and the seaport and because of it we almost died...lol seriously. But after we had dinner and caught myself giving her advice on friendships and boys and all the other things high school comes with. I remember when Chloe was born..i remember changing her paper..i remember her when she was 2, 3 4, years old. And here i was giving her sound advice for her life. THAT WAS A FULL CIRCLE.
Honestly after reading this over before sending it out into the world i realized that i guess i really wasn't lost at all. Everyday in my interesting life is apart of my journey and everyday i learn something new. I guess these past 4 months i have been doing alot of "FIELD" work instead of soul reconstruction, and i am so grateful for it!
I'm going to do my best this summer to keep this updated...i really missed writing and this feeling it just gave me was amazing...
I hope everyone has a wonderful day!!!
HASTA LUEGO MUNDO : )
p.s
isnt that just an amazing veiw? : )...just looking out my window when the sun is setting helps me find peace sometimes...
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