Tuesday, June 22, 2010

Taking a Step Back

HEY HEY HEY hoy es June 22, 2010 lol. Such a beautiful day out! ! Exciting to see that summer has arrived and for the next couple of weeks i wont need a sweater lol. Today i come to my blog to re release a lesson i just learned this past weekend. It probably is a very like duh in your face kind of thing to some but for me on my journey it was hard to get.

This weekend i took a step back. I re evaluated where i was, thought alot and realized what i wanted and how and what i needed to do to get there. As i mentioned in a recent previous blog there is a "him". And everything with that him is wonderful to be quite honest but this Sunday i realized it was moving to fast. And i know me well enough to know my fears of commitment and fears of allowing another person to be that important in my life again could be the reason why i would run away from something like this, but those weren't the real reasons. The him had asked me quite a number of times to give him me the real me. I argued with him saying no, I'm not ready, not ready to trust someone with all that blah blah blah. It wasn't the best thing to argue because it discouraged both of us from our situation. But i took the time to really think deep about what i was afraid of, why i could be running right now. I really took a step back and thought about me and where i was. And believe me i preach everyday put yourself first lol and believe me its hard to do. I realized that i am not whole yet from the last mishap. I cant give myself unto another till i know who i am again as a person. I am in the process of knowing me still..hello my journey is documented right here for everyone to see.

I made a decision to keep him here because he has been nothing but amazing to me but also to SLOW DOWN and ORGANIZE what we have so were not running on raw emotion and lust. I need to learn me first before i can learn him. And for me lately I've learn alot about me when I'm in the company of others and thru conversations. If things are going to work with him a strong foundation needs to be layed out and that's what i rather do than rush into something. I'm not ready for what a commitment ask for right now, but I'm willing to work towards that if the person is willing to work towards it with me. And he is : ).....

Taking a step back, putting me first, communicating and finding a solution was what i did for the first time this weekend. Don't get me wrong, I've put me first in many other instances but not one where the relationship was an intimate one like this one. That's a huge step for me since in the last one i didn't even know how to begin to do that. I'm proud of me and proud that i didn't run away from someone who has been nothing but amazing since day one.

I had this phrase before that i said all the time but didn't believe it too much: I DESERVE THE BEST! !... simple phrase I'm sure most woman use it...but I'm really getting a grasp for it, and I'm making sure I'm living up to it in my everyday life : )

Just wanted to share that lil life lesson i learned...

Laters World..till next time.

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