Friday, May 1, 2009
How do you heal your heart ??
Hey hey so day 2 of keeping my promise lol. Today is Friday May 1st, 2009. And it feels damn good to be writing and thinking with a clear mind again. I guess i really did have to pull back from the disrespect and refocus my attention on my self lol. Any who in conversation with someone, we discussed the process of me feeling all together better and growing. They said to me that i have to heal my heart before i can feel completely better. I really thought about it and they couldn't be more right.
I have evaluated and reevaluated the things in my life that have effected me as a person and have slowly tried to release and let them go. Even with that being done my heart is still the same. You would think it would be lighter being that i let so much go, but it hasn't gotten lighter. It hasn't gotten darker either it just is. Every hole that was made, every crack created still exist. I have spent more time getting my mental in a better state that i didn't realize that my heart is still in the same place. It starting making sense to why i still got that feeling in my chest when certain things were brought up,thought about or i saw certain people. I have to heal my heart. Mentally things are gone but that deep feeling inside isn't. Now my big question for today is how do you heal your heart?
My heart is damaged by many things but ill use the last crack in it as an example. Also because its probably one of the things that hurt me the most. So number 2 got a girl who lived downstairs from me in my door and who talked me me before this pregnant. She had an abortion and a miscarriage, so yea she was pregnant twice. After everything that transpired between us that gave me a diff feeling and still does today. Me and him aren't friends right now and prob wont ever be but i have managed to let everything else go. But that issue lingers and not really in my mind but my heart. Maybe the only people who saw how deep that hurt were the people there when i found out. But. I honestly don't think they can even imagine what i felt. It broke me point blank and that feeling in my heart is still there. Like...i really cant even explain it...it was like being on the ground holding ya stomach cuz of pain and then getting kicked in the face.
How do u let that feeling on top of so many others go from your heart. And i say feelings because the ideas of them i let go, the photo in my head of that moment i have let go, the memory is almost gone, but the feelings still linger. How ?? Someone please tell me how?? Ive been positive, I've forgiven, I've moved on all the necessary to be healed and i cant get my heart to do the same. I want everyone who can and want to to respond with some ideas because this is affecting important and valuable relationships in my life. I have brought myself to believe that i wont be able to love things or any one again. I see myself pushing people who have good intentions away and its because of the state of my heart right now. I want help, like i dont know what else to do to fix whats going on inside my chest : /...
i hope to come back to some suggestions or just stories of your own experience that can help me with mine....
P A N A M A ! ! (thats for you mike lol)
Posted by Anonymously_30 at 5:14 PM