Wednesday, February 25, 2009
Hey soo today Wed February 25, 2009 and it is day two of my blogger journey....i have actually been nervous all day trying to write today's blog in my head but the moment i starting to write i realized i am blogging for me not for anyone else. So this isn't like some entertainment for any one, but therapy for me.
Well my day started early, i had an interview down in Alphabet city. To quickly go over that, i think it went very well and i can only be positive about it and hope for the best lol. But to my topic, what sparked today's concept was my new pink ipod and a great memory. I was getting on the two train and every time I'm on the train i have to have my ipod, i cant go n e where on public transportation without it lol. Any who, i turned it on to shuffle and the first song was "Blame it in the Alcohol", which is Jamie Foxx's new single out now. The first thought that came to mind was a video that was showed to me by my friend Justine of my friends up at school bored and under the influence at school one night. They all had on shades and and were in a line and had created a stroll (for those who don't know, its basically people in a straight line dancing and moving forward, but its choreographed). Any way once i thought that i laughed out loud literally and caught the attention of a couple on the train. It was a good laugh too, one that put me in a great mood. Like i felt really good right in the middle of my chest at 9:30 in the morning, great way to start the day. I started to think about all the memories i have with my small circle of friends, all the songs that bring up memories. Another one is "Still in love" by Tyra B and every time i hear that i think of my g3 ladies and our long nights in green Listerine (my friend Sonia's truck).
All these memories and thoughts led me to thinking about how far I've come with the issue of friendship in my life. I have never really been very good at keeping up a good friendship. I've learned this over the years and really learned more in my recent shrink sessions. As a child i never had a good example of what a good friend was. My father was always working and if not he was out dancing his lil legs off to Salsa and my mother was just a boring mother at home. She really didn't allow us (me and my younger brother) to do the normal things kids did. No sleep overs, barely any birthday parties, no summer camps, no after school programs. It was almost like she was protecting us from the world, as well as herself. My mother didn't and still doesn't have any friends. I can remember one who's name was Sonia, who always reached out to her but she never returned her calls. So in my early years my social growth was put on a serious hold. The only time i had to be social with children and make friends was during school hours. And of course during school hours your doing work. In high school i went to an all girl school so that was like kat fight after kat fight everyday. I had so many issued with friends and the whole back stabbing and boys and just all the nonsense that comes along with it. Right now i have 3 girls from high school i keep in contact with and even with them its a tough situation.
Until college when i met Sonia and the oh so infamous Get It Girls, i never saw an example of good healthy friendship. These ladies were loyal, respectful to each other and were each others friends in every definition of the word. I learned so much from them about being a good friend and love them soooo much. There amazing. Once they graduated i found a new few friends that are HERE lol. I took what i learned from the get its and took it and used it with Angel, Justine,Jovan, Courtney, Kim and Domo. They are both beautiful friendship that have there kinks but they work.
I know i am still growing as far as learning to be a great friend to people. I still have huge issues with trust and being social and I'm definitely working on them along with my shrink and this blog and with my friends... I want to learn to trust them enough to tell them more about me, open up a lil more, listen a lil more, learn to not be afraid to reach out and be the first to call... Its taken me years to even be this comfortable around people and might take many more but its something i need to get past to be phenomenal.
And if your a friend of mine and feel offended that your not mentioned don't be at all, these are just the 2 groups of people who have been the helping hands in making my friendship skills better for the relationship i have with you lol i still love you tho.
And for the people mentioned....you guys are more family to me than some of the family i have. I might sometimes be distant but know that i would drop everything to help you in every way i can. I'm really trying to take the steps to understand me, and help everyone understand me a lil better. I finally have reached a point where i want to completely trust the people around me, have them trust me, and become more of a social butterfly (Jermaine we can do it lol). This is a process for me and you guys have played a very important role.i love u guys soo much i wanna cry : ) XOXO
Special shout outs to:
Mike for this message he left me:
Well sweety you know I have always been a supporter of you. I hope this new found outlet helps in your quest for transformation. Don't worry about the Job situation, it will come in time. We all face that when we graduate. Luv u much!!!! G. Child
I'm lucky and blessed to have the friends i have...
Posted by Anonymously_30 at 6:40 PM